Unconscious tides

The unconscious is powerful, I have to admit. It strikes me as holding the key to a great part of the chains of states in one's mental dynamics. Sometimes, aftershocks, tides in their final, amorsed state, are felt as tiny shades of distraction of a hyper-consciousness.
I finally got to make some order within, though the landscape is gappy seen in its concatenation of temporal parts. I listened to the recording of Perry and Taylor's 'Philosophy Talk' on consciousness with Chalmers and this set me in a good mood. The humanity of it all slowly but surely makes its impact on me. I'm still in a haze, the asymmetry interior vs. exterior continues to torture me from time to time. Why is the meta-move so pervasive inside me ?

Active and inactive

Sacred texts in the orthodox mystic are centered on the notion of an internal prayer meant to revelate the God within us. They rely on the crucial active role of us as conscious agents in this process. A hyper-vigilent, monitoring consciousness seems to be needed to put one on track, in synchronization with one's true self, hidden beneath the layers of impurity. The latter are to be dispensed of in a hygienic process carried out via the active role of consciousness. But it seems to me that, although this is the safe option, an alternative option is nevertheless available, namely the random (seen from the perspective of the active role) emergence of the true self, due to configurations and re-configurations at infrastructural, unconscious or semi-unconscious levels of the system. These states can be attained due to the dynamic character of the settings of parameters of a cognitive system. The blueprint of mental hygienization, it seems to me, can impose itself out of processes not necessarily stirred by the hyper-consciousness schema..

Transition

It's a phase of transition from a whirl of studies to another, accompanied by strange internal states. I feel I cannot impose anything on me, as if my self-supervising abilities are gone. I am still waiting for the 'deus ex machina' motivation, although I somehow know things will pack up and re-organize unconsciously quasi-chaotically on an infrastructural level of my system.